I am going to share with you one of my many failures as a Mom. I do this as a cautionary tale for when you are undeniably frustrated beyond the human realm and you have no words to describe the emotional roller coaster that you have boarded.
All Roderick girls were present and accounted for and we were driving to a city far, far away. I must share with you that we were in our mini van, not the expedition. Had we been in the expedition, I am certain this tale would not be told.
Rumbles were beginning to break out in the back seat. One child was teasing another child, one child was yelling at another child, one child was kicking the driver's seat, one child was changing radio channels. This Mom was to her limit.
I don't know what happened. I thought I was in control of my emotions. No PMS, not on period, no peri menopause. Suddenly, without explanation, I screamed at the top of my lungs "I AM GOING TO KILL YOU KIDS!"
As soon as the words exited my mouth, I felt great remorse. How could I have said this horrible statement to the children that I achingly love? Even more profound . . . the car was silent.
Good, or not so good. I felt exposed. I felt guilt. I felt failure. What kind of parent was I? I immediately experienced the need to fix this faux pau, so I pulled over and told my kids "I am so sorry. I did not say what I meant to say with the right words. I meant to say that while I am driving you must not distract me by fussing in the back seat. Please forgive me." And they did.
Understand that forgiving is not the same as forgeting as my girls let me know quite frequently . . . "Mom remember when you said you were going to kill us?"
I still love being a Roderick.
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