YOGA

I have never experienced yoga before . . . until three weeks ago. I am really enjoying it. Shae, Kim, Sam and I attend a class on the beach every Saturday morning. I have done pilates in the past. But this is different. Not so much strength building as the focus is on relaxation and stretching.

I am learning that in the stretch it is possible for bodily functions to, shall we say, relax and release. I have heard it said that in yoga there are intestinal gas release poses. It has been known to be a "noisy" form of physical activity.

Last week, Shae and I are sitting next to each other and there are several suspect noises occurring around us. Feet sticking to mats, leaves crunching, people grunting. That's how it is. I am learning to tune it out, but apparently, Shae is intensely listening with all pistons firing.

As soon as class is over, "Mom, did you pass gas?" No I did not. "Mom, are you sure?" Yes, I am sure. I would know when my body releases caustic fumes. "Mom, are you positive you didn't shoot a bunny?" Shae, I did not and do not plan to, fluff in yoga class.

Kim and Sam are now chiming in with their opinions about people and that "blue haze" that emanates from their behinds during yoga. I have decided it is not going to happen to me. I simply will not let it. I am not so old that I do not have control over that sort of emission.

I have just set myself up for destruction.